Revision of an earlier post

Posted on August 15, 2010


The bold text is the new thoughts…

He stole every ounce of potential from me. But I am getting it back! I have the potential to do GREAT things in my life & I will! He stole my self worth. For too long I hated myself & felt like I wasn’t worth investing in, but I see now that I am! I see now that I have always been worth more in God’s eyes. I am worth more than any price, much higher than rubies and pearls! He stole my sense of security. I am secure knowing that God is in control! In essence he killed me. He killed my spirit to make me feel as weak & pathetic as himself. I see now that staying shackled by pain of my past I’ve let him regain control, NOT any longer! I’ve taken it back & placed the blame squarely on him, where it belongs!

He made me feel as though I am not worthy of anything. He caused such pain and hardship in mine and mom’s relationship, all so that he could molest me. He did this all so I could feel as lowly as he, people that have been hurt either eventually get to a place to work through it or like him, they work hard at bringing everyone around them down by putting them down.

I have carried the shame abuse with me every day of my life. I have kept it hidden because I didn’t want it to bring shame or guilt to the rest of the family. I hid it to protect my family. I never hid it to protect him. Now, I don’t have to hide it any longer. The shame is where it belongs, on him. It does & it is on him to shoulder, I don’t want to carry his pain, I can’t in order to survive!

Sexual abuse caused so much pain and a horror that will affect me the rest of my life. All the therapy in the world cannot change what has been done. The only thing therapy will do is help me cope with it, and help me to learn to live my life, in spite of the abuse. I am slowly finding my potential, self-esteem, self-love and self worth by breaking my silence. I am getting to know myself & I like the person I see, she is strong & won’t let anything or anyone hold her down! I wish I knew this person years ago, but she needed time. I am enjoying getting to know my true, wonderful self!

I will continue to tell people, if I can help just one person to speak out against wrong done to them, then I’ve done a lot! I will be silent no more! I will no longer be shackled to that secret; its out for all to know and that feels so good! I no longer want to give him the satisfaction of robbing me of happiness! Silence begets silence & hurts more than just one.

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