Scars

Posted on May 16, 2007

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We all have emotional scars that serve as a reminder of past hurts. These scars are suppose to remind us feelings and experiences that we don’t want to encounter again. Mine only serve to remind me of a childhood broken and scary. I have only just started to confront the scars of my past. I will come through this okay, but right now it is the hardest thing I have ever done. Because of my confronting and breaking my silence I am estranged from my mom and I don’t really have a relationship with my youngest brother because the person that hurt me is the only “father” ( I use this term loosely) that he ever knew. My mom doesn’t get it that she is living with the enemy, she is focusing on the “sin” rather than the crime that was perpatrated. She and my younger brother can’t understand what was done to me. They would be glad if I would just suddenly “wake” up and put it all away and “pretend” like they, that we have the shiny happy family. They don’t get that although the act that was perpatrated upon me is over, I still carry scars of what was done. The act of sexual abuse left me a shell of the person I should be. I am fighting to get to be the person that was lost when my innocent was taken. I am trying to be okay and every day is a struggle, everday I have to focus on the me I want to be. I have bad days and am still grieving for that little girl. What was done to me left me betrayed and left me w/o the ability to trust or love. I have these huge walls up b/c of what was done I am constantly on guard, I always see the bad in people I may not even know. I hate having these feelings, I try so hard every day to be unlike this person that is now, I don’t want to be the scared little girl any more. I want you to know the REAL ME!

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Posted in: Childhood