To Confront the abuser or not to confront…

Posted on April 11, 2007

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The person that abused me is the step-monster, he didn’t deny per say but he diminshed what was done. My situation is difficult (not that anyone else’s isn’t) it’s just that the step-monster was in my youngest brothers life from birth so he knows only him as dad (so my youngest brothers alliance is with him) and my mom has chosen to “forgive” him and has remained married to him. So, confronting him isn’t really any option other than through letter b/c just being in his presence nauseates me. In a way though a confrontation has taken place. About 3 years ago when I was claiming my voice just after my niece was born (I spoke out for her, so that she wouldn’t go through what I did, I was sure that if I remained silent he would’ve gone after her) when I spoke out the abuser decided that he would “confess” his sin (in my family the focus us on sin rather than crime) well when he “confessed” to my two brothers he said the abused was a one time occurrence and if for emphasis he held up one finger. (I wasn’t there but this was relayed to me by one of my brothers) I was furious to learn of his “confession” I felt re-victimized. It infuriates me b/c my mom goes on the defense of him when I try to talk to her about him stating that he has changed…when it is evident through his own statement of dimenishing the abuse he hasn’t. B/c of my mom’s stance I don’t have a relationship w/ her because I just can’t. I feel very betrayed by her, her action of “forgiving” him and choosing to live w/ this man creates in me a sense that I am not worthy of her. By her “forgiving” she has accepted what was done and chosen him over me and that hurts me so bad.

 

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Posted in: On my mind