Such a pretty girl…

Posted on March 8, 2007

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….or so I thought.  I grew up in a “whole” family with a mom and a step-dad.  From the outside looking in it was a “normal” family.  From the inside out it was a whole other ball game.  I was molested from age 6-9 yrs of age.  Verbally abused all my life until I left home and was beat (this happened once) All this happened all while going to church, oh yes we were the 3 time a week church goers.  The step-monster was even an usher in church.  But behind those closed doors of home I lived a nightmare.  Now as an adult as I try to make sense of it all and try to pick up the shattered remains of myself it is often too much.  When my mom found out one would have thought okay she’s gonna side with me her flesh and blood, nah she stayed with the perp.  To this day she is still married to him and I told her when I was 17. Oh, yeah I was still a minor something could have been done, she could have been through with him and life as I knew it could’ve been better then.  I didn’t know enough to go to the authorities on my own.  You have to remember I was abused and manipulated as a child it was in my head not to tell even as a teen.  Even when I told my mom it was hard and she told me as an authority figure to not say anything she would take care of it. I believed her.  Silly me! Hindsight is definitely 20/20.  My mom doesn’t get it that I suffered and knowing that he is still around is hard.  I can heal on my own but it sure would be easier if I had her fully 100% on my side.  As it is I can’t go over to her house because he’s there, even when he’s not that threat of he could be back at any moment is there.  I had to grow up with him and being frightened of him constantly that just knowing he is around is still scary.

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Posted in: Childhood