My Two Cents About J&K+8

People need to stop perpetuating the rumors. No one knows for sure if they are getting a divorce. It’s there business when the TLC cameras aren’t on them.

I don’t doubt that they have issues w/ their marriage and I am sure that there is some truth to the Jon going out I am mean for crying out loud there are pictures w/ a chic in a car but that’s all we see. Who else but God and Jon & the girl knows if there was more to the story? So, until other wise I won’t be passing judgement. It isn’t my place. I will say this Kate needs to check herself b/c if he is stepping out on her, who could blame him, she treats him terribly.

Reconciling feelings & emotions & just dealing with living!

I think that it is interesting to say the least, that the feeling I get from some certain folks is that I should forgive and forget. Move on and pretend that would I went through didn’t happen. Easier said than done my friends. I only wish I could. I put it away, I don’t dwell on it day to day, but to forget it isn’t possible. Because you see I am dealing w/ it the after effects. Although the horrible is done, it’s the feelings of what was done that remains. In order to do what he did to me he had to whittle away at my self worth. I grew up thinking that I wasn’t worthy of anything, he did that and now I have to reconcile the fact that the person that made feel sub-human is the person that my mom chooses to live with. To this day she remains married to the one person that made her daughter feel like less than a person. She seems okay w/ that, she seems okay to not have a relationship w/ me but one w/ him. I will never feel okay w/ that.

Look at me!

I tell people b/c I can now, I tell b/c the secret’s out, I tell b/c I need people on my side. It has been really hard not being able to talk to my mom. She still lives w/ the abuser. The person that made my life a living hell is who gets her attention. The person that disrupted and stole my innocence is the one that gets the attention. Meanwhile I am here screaming and crying out and feel so ignored. I hate that it!! I just want people on my side.

Where have I been?

Not on here, I haven’t posted anything in months.  Just busy and I let it slip.  I am going to try to be better w/ posting blogs.

25 Favorite Christmas Traditions

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper, gift bags are pretty but to me it just seems lazy to put gifts in a bag. I love the thrill of finding cute wrap and real ribbons (Michael’s is my store!) This year I found this really pretty pink and lime snowman paper that I added pretty lime ribbon w/ white stitching.
2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial, but only for allergy reasons
3. When do you put up the tree? The week or w/e after Thanksgiving
4. When do you take the tree down? W/E after New Year’s Day
5. Do you like eggnog? It’s okay, I can live w/o it.
6. Favorite gift received as a child?
8. Easiest person to buy for? My nieces, anything pink, girlie and now artsy & crafty for the oldest.
9. Do You have a nativity scene? Not yet, but would love a nativity by willow (sold at Hallmark stores)
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail
11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? I don’t really get bad gifts.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? How the Grinch Stole Christmas? , Christmas Shoes (Lifetime TV) and A Christmas Story.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Earliest the better, I do like to save one or two to last minute just to feel the “rush” it kinda puts me in the holiday spirit.
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? I have….shhh, don’t tell though!
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Frangelico Cake, mmmm, it is tasty stuff!
16. Lights on the tree? Absolutely, white lights or a solid color, not ot keen on the different colored lights.
17. Favorite Christmas song? Grown Up Christmas List, Breath of Heaven, Christmas Shoes & Hippopotamus For Christmas (Old Shirley Temple tune, it’s really adorable!)
18. Travel for Christmas or stay home? Depends, I’ve done both & gotta say I prefer the staying opposed to travel.
19. Can you name all of Santa’s reindeers? I think so, Dasher and Dancer, Prancer, Doner and Blitzen, Comet, Cupid and Vixen. And of course the most famous of all….’Ol Rudolph himself!
20. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel
21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? As a kid we opened one on Christmas eve, it was always and the rest the next morning.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Not being w/ those you love b/c there are posionous people that have infatrated my family.
23. Favorite ornament theme or color? teal, silver and white
24. Favorite Christmas dinner? Traditional dinner
25. What do you want for Christmas this year? I never really ask for anything, I like not knowing what I am getting, Christmas is more fun not knowing. Jesus didn’t ask for what he got!

Very Interesting!

 

I hope this encounter gave those two something to think about, about their religious life!

Missing You….Dedicated to Carly, Taylor & Kenzie

 I just found out that someone close to my younger brother passed away. She had a heart attack, she wasn’t even 50 yet and had no signs of ill health.  She left behind 3 daughters, her youngest only 12.  This is something that I wrote just this morning after finding out and I dedicate it to them.

You’re coasting along at breakneck speed,

Your life and all seems perfect. 

You’ve got your God and your family what more could you ask for?

Then like hitting  a brick wall your  whole world crashes around ya. 

Your saying goodbye.  The whirlwind of emotions swirl around like a

million thoughts dancing in your head.

Woulda, shoulda and coulda, is really all you can muster.

Woulda done it differently, Shoulda spent just a little more time and Coulda made time if I had only known that it was the last time I would see your face. 

 

Isn’t it amazin’ that it takes loosing someone to slow us down

I’m Sorry…

I think my least favorite phrase in the human language is, “I’m sorry!” 

9 times out of 10 when a person says, “I’m sorry,” they’re really only sorry they got caught. And now want me to forgive them for something I am still too pissed off about.  Which puts me in the very unhappy position of saying; “up yours” and looking like a total bitch, or “I forgive you” and feeling like a total schmuck. And that is why I hate the phrase I’m sorry.  

Heard this on a T.V. program, this sums my own feelings of forgiving. 

 

 

Silent No More!

 

 

He stole every ounce of potential from me. He stole my self worth. He stole my sense of security. In essence he killed me. He made me feel as though I am not worthy of anything. He caused such pain and hardship in mine and mom’s relationship, all so that he could molest me.

I have carried the shame abuse with me every day of my life. I have kept it hidden because I didn’t want it to bring shame or guilt to the rest of the family. I hid it to protect my family. I never hid it to protect him. Now, I don’t have to hide it any longer. The shame is where it belongs, on him.

Sexual abuse caused so much pain and a horror that will affect me the rest of my life. All the therapy in the world can not change what has been done. The only thing therapy will do is help me cope with it, and help me to learn to live my life, in spite of the abuse. I am slowly finding my potiental, self esteem, self love and self worth by breaking my silence.

I will continue to tell people if I can help others to speak out against too. I will be silent no more! I will no longer be shackled to that secret, its out for all to know and that feels so good! I no longer want to give him the satisfaction of robbing me of happiness!

Escaping

I escaped every summer when I was young, I stayed w/ my grand-mom & grand-daddy and I had my mom’s cousin I stayed w/ too. Those few weeks in the summer gave me a chance to not think about what he did to me and just be a kid. Looking back I am glad I had that time. It always seemed so hard to come home after my wonderful summers. I see now that I was depressed to be home. It took me a few days to cope w/ being back home and I hated I was sort of forced into it. He (the abuser) would always get mad at me for the way I acted when I came home from those summers. Like I was suppose to be happy I was suddenly home. In his eyes I wasn’t suppose to be depressed. What was I suppose to be happy & elated that he was abusing me? I guess, I despise him for that! I hated it! I hated that I had to suddenly snap out of it and be happy to see his face. I will never be happy to see his face!